I used to be very busy. And I liked it that way. I had a carefully crafted structure, always knew what I was doing, and felt very little pressure to pretend to be anything I wasn’t. But then my life shifted. To this day, my job at the time creeps into my dreams when I’m feeling stressed like some people dream of being back in high school. Not only was I working too much, but I was masking more than ever- at work, at home, in my own brain. (Cue: This is FINE Meme.)
At the time, I didn’t know I was Autistic. I hadn’t ever heard of masking and when I finally buckled and quit my job, I thought I just needed a little break to figure out what was next. A little lifestyle change. You know- #girlboss. And then I’d be the superhuman I’d been before. Maybe better. But looking back, I’m wondering- is that version who could “do everything” really worth envying?
Understanding Autistic Burnout Vs Classical Burnout
Autistic people are prone to experiencing both burnout and Autistic burnout. While the phrase “burnout” was coined in the 1970s, Autistic burnout is a relatively new term still gaining traction and study in the medical community (like most neurodivergent studies).
But there’s different approaches to looking at more “standard” burnout vs Autistic burnout. When I realized that the experiences I was describing to people were Autistic burnout, I could adjust the way I approached the way I supported myself.
Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. While this “classical burnout” is technically limited to one’s professional life, we do see it used it in other contexts (i.e. caregiver or spiritual burnout). Because of its focus on professionalism, the causes, symptoms and recovery revolve around one’s work.
Autistic burnout also follows the pattern of excessive or prolonged periods of stress, but it may not just be limited to your workplace. The main causes of Autistic burnout are:
Life stressors
Masking
Cumulative overwhelm and stress
Barriers to support
Lack of empathy and dismissal of struggles
Not able to get the help we need
Eventually expectations outweigh our abilities until we collapse under the pressure.
See the below tables from Embrace Autism for a breakdown between Autistic and Classical Burnout:
What does it mean to “do everything”?
When I think back on those days when I “did everything”, there are some sections of my life that were completely doable. I built a structure that worked wonderfully for myself, and despite being very “busy”, I had a lot of time for myself and the things that I love. (You know- we love a good structure.)
I worked for Starbucks for 8 years, but once when the environment became non-stop masking, I broke. I didn’t have the words for masking at the time, so I described it as “having a closet full of me’s that I had to wear- none of which I liked.” And I wore those “me’s” all the time- trying to “do everything”.
No one ever told me explicitly to “do everything.” But that’s not always what happens is it? They give you assignment after assignment, until boundaries are all over the place, and you don’t have the capacity to do anything. Maybe even their version of “yeah just one task” is actually more like 5 tasks, but you’re looking at a lot more of the pieces.
Not everywhere is going to be tailored for you, sure. But being cognizant of that so you can deliberately adjust how you manage yourself to avoid Autistic burnout (since the neurotypical world is just on the capitalist energy train woo woo! 🚂🚂) is key.
Is the “height” of success worth the envy?
For a long time, I found a running joke among people my age that we used to be able to do so much more. I felt a sort of listless envy, maybe even guilt, that I’d never return to the “height” of my success. Yes- the one that still gives me stress-induced nightmares.
And, logistically? That might be partially true. Because if you’ve actually experienced Autistic burnout, a symptom is loss of skills. One of the scariest moments of my life was realizing that my partner wasn’t gaslighting me when he said he had given me information, my memory was truly struggling. Here’s the thing though- I do remember the fear and stress in my body leading up the the Autistic burnout. And I hate it so much more than any success I was able to achieve in that interim.
If you are finding yourself also with a bit of envy of the things that “past you” used to do- I urge you to ponder the same.
Is the version of yourself that is working to unmask and receive accommodations to better support yourself and *hopefully* avoid Autistic burnout in the future the one worth cherishing?
Autistic Burnout Prevention
If you find yourself longing for a version of you who used to be able to keep up better in the neurotypical world, I can understand the compulsion. Maybe you were completely unaware that life was going to throw the curve ball of Autism at you (even though it already had many, many moons ago.)
Preventing Autistic burnout in the future means supporting your Autistic self NOW. That can look like:
Connecting with other Autistic or neurodivergent people
Seeking out places you feel safe gradually unmasking
Allowing yourself to engage with special interests & sensory support
Decreasing the demands that created the Autistic burnout in the first place
Define Your Success
You may have spent years outdoing yourself. But the high stress, high masking, low accommodations environment led you to Autistic burnout. Maybe you don’t possess the skills to do things you used to be able to do, or just don’t want to. Regardless- your overall focus in moving through Autistic burnout should lie not in recovering some previous standard of success you were operating in, but defining one that truly honors (as best as you are able) your specific needs and desires.
Have you experienced Autistic burnout? Share you experience below!
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